Some Local Color

This place needs some brightening up, I'd say. Here, take a look at these pictures from my brief nature photographer moment when we were in Marloes Sands, West Wales.

Take That, World Bank!

Between my crash of faith on Thursday and this moment, I have:

found and analyzed at least 6 new sources for my paper
come up with a new paper topic (not as bad as it sounds considering my previous extensive research)
found up-to-the-minute studies affecting my new paper topic
written a 4,000 word paper, and then cut 1,000 of it
decided not to even include the subject that had been my main focus
and finally,

Given a presentation of the main points of my paper. Which impressed my teacher. So I'm pretty relieved. But there must be a better way. There must be.

I still have to put in some case studies. Which I hate. I've avoided it so far because I hate when people use case studies as evidence. I wrote the full argument without reference to specific cases because I want the argument to stand alone. And now, because the assignment asks for it, I will add the case studies. And then I will move on to the next paper!

Thanks for all your support. I think I'll play fiddle now, for the first time in months.

I'd Rather Tell You a Story

Today is the day of me deciding i just might not have the brain for this school thing. For some reason the simple act of organizing a paper which I have been researching for weeks is nearly impossible. Turns out, upon analysis, that the problem is all about narrative.

Papers in policy science (I guess you'd call it) apparently require a scientific sort of framework for arguments. You know, with givens and hypotheses and arguments and indicators and things. Of course I know that in the abstract, but when it comes right down to it, I always tell my paper to myself in a narrative. That's what a literature degree and years of dramaturgy will get you, I guess. The best part is that I'm always working toward a happy ending in the narrative. It's kind of funny, really. It took me quite awhile and not a few tears to for it to really sink in. And now I'm forcing myself to proceed in what is essentially a foreign language. There are no epiphanies or catharses. No redemptive possibilities. Just conclusions. Damn, I miss theatre.

Bottom line, I'm struggling. And I'm really pushed for time on these projects. I'd do this semester differently and with more focus if I had it to do over. But it's a one-year program, so I don't. This is it. I don't get another chance to use what I've learned about teacher communication styles and expectations as expressed through films and filters and evasions and laziness. I've nearly figured out what it is they want (I hope), but I'm not sure there's time left to produce it.

I know this is what all student bloggers say and they always come out brilliantly in the end. But this one might be real. I might fail at some of these assignments. I might not be as good at this as most of my classmates. I'm facing it, and I'm pushing on. Wish me luck.

PS thanks to J. for talking me through these devastations and making me pasta with rosemary and zucchini. (After I ate it he said, "That plant that looks like rosemary is rosemary, isn't it?" Strangely, it cheered me up.)

Then my sister called and told me surreal and troubling tales of her special ed classroom. I guess we've all got our crosses to bear.